Valerie Bertinelli opened up about the pain she endured during her marriage to Eddie Van Halen.
Bertinelli said she and Van Halen were in love when she was in her 20s, but things “rapidly declined” when the rockstar’s heavy addiction to drugs and alcohol became toxic to their relationship, according to a video she shared on Instagram. Bertinelli recalled the struggles and hardship that went hand-in-hand with being married to him during his spiraling addictions, and his bouts of infidelity.
Summarizing her marriage to the famous singer, she said, “Nothing that makes you feel loved and wanted and cared for. Nothing that would scream soulmate, that’s for sure.”
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Bertinelli and Van Halen married in 1981 and welcomed their only child, Wolfgang, now 33 years old, into the world soon after. The couple divorced in 2007. Their time together was tumultuous, and Wolfgang captured the essence of what it was like to be Van Halen’s son in a special episode of “Behind the Music” on Paramount +, which was released May 2.
Wolfgang spoke about his relationship with his father, and Bertinelli unraveled the complexities she faced while married to the famous rockstar. The famous actress admitted the experience was a difficult one.
Actress Valerie Bertinelli stands before unveiling her star on the Walk of Fame in Hollywood, California August 22, 2012. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni
Guitarist Eddie Van Halen performs during a private Valen Halen show to announce the band’s upcoming tour at Cafe Wha? in New York January 5, 2012. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson
“I was finally able to watch Wolfie’s Behind the Music. It was not easy,” Bertinelli said in the video.
“I’d stopped it many times because it was just too brutal to watch for many reasons. One, seeing Wolfie’s pain. Two, seeing what a better job I could have done as a parent even though he turned out magnificently. I made a lot of mistakes,” she continued.
“And three, seeing what I had turned of Ed’s and my relationship — into some sort of fantasy, soulmate recreation of history,” she said.
Bertinelli went on to describe the myriad of feelings she cycled through with Van Halen.
U.S. actress Valerie Bertinelli poses during a photocall to promote her television series ” Hot in Cleveland” at the annual MIPCOM television program market in Cannes, southeastern France, October 4, 2010. The International film and program market for TV, video, cable and satellite (MIPCOM) opens from October 4 to October 8 on the French Riviera. REUTERS/Eric Gaillard
Guitarist Eddie Van Halen performs during a private Valen Halen show to announce the band’s upcoming tour at Cafe Wha? in New York January 5, 2012. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson
“But after Ed died, I was more than willing to put myself in the grieving widow category for a man that I hadn’t lived with for 20 years,” she said. She admitted she found perspective after some reflection.
“What we had together was this beautiful son that we both unconditionally loved.”
“That’s what I got out of that marriage was Wolfie, the best thing that ever happened to me,” Bertinelli said.
Actor Valerie Bertinelli arrives at the “TV Land Awards 2011” in New York City April 10, 2011. REUTERS/Jessica Rinaldi
Reflecting on the dynamics of her marriage, she said, “Not a soulmate.”
Van Halen died from throat cancer at age 65 on Oct. 6, 2020. (RELATED: ‘Lines Of Cocaine From Here To Saturn’: Alec Baldwin Talks About The Depths Of His Addiction)
Despite their challenges, Bertinelli was by Van Halen’s side in his final moments, as was Wolfgang.